Noisy Parties, Scary Halloween, a Playground Game - How to help manage stress for children
Updated: Sep 2
When everyday experiences feel HUGE: Helping children manage stress, change and the unexpected.
For some children, the things adults see as “little things” can feel absolutely enormous.
A noisy birthday party. A new classroom. Walking into school after the summer holidays. Everyone suddenly singing “Happy Birthday”. A Halloween costume that feels scratchy, tight or unfamiliar. A playground game where the rules keep changing.
For a child who is already carrying a lot of stress, these everyday experiences can push their nervous system into “too much” territory.
And when a child is overwhelmed, telling them to “calm down”, “join in” or “stop worrying” rarely helps.
Instead, we can ask:
What is this child communicating through their behaviour, and what would help their nervous system feel safe enough to cope?
That is where occupational therapy can be incredibly powerful.
Start with regulation, not behaviour
Imagine a child arriving at a birthday party and immediately hiding underneath the table.
An adult might think:
“They’re being difficult. They need to come out and play.”
An Occupational Therapist might wonder:
Is the room noisy?
Are there lots of unfamiliar people?
Is the child unsure what is going to happen?
Are they worried about being watched?
Is the lighting overwhelming?
Does the child need movement?
Are they hungry, tired or already dysregulated?
Have they had enough recovery time after school?
The hiding may actually be the child's regulation strategy.
Instead of removing the strategy, we can build alternatives - managing stress for children.
Try a “party plan” to help manage stress for children
Before the event, create a simple visual plan together:
ARRIVE → FIND A QUIET SPACE → SAY HELLO → PLAY → SNACK → BREAK → CAKE → HOME
For some children, simply knowing what is coming next can reduce uncertainty enormously.
You could also agree on a secret signal.
For example, the child squeezes their parent's hand twice when they need a break.
No lengthy explanation. No public announcement.
Just:
“Two squeezes = time for a reset.”
Create a “regulation menu”
Rather than asking, “What do you need to calm down?”, give children concrete options.
Create a little Regulation Menu with choices such as:
Push hands against the wall. Have a big squeeze from a trusted adult. Put headphones on. Go for a short walk. Blow bubbles. Do five slow breaths. Draw. Sit somewhere quieter. Do ten jumps. Have a drink of water.
The important thing is to practise these strategies when the child is calm.
We don't want their first experience of a breathing strategy to be when they are already at 100%.
Make transitions playful
Returning to school can be particularly challenging after a break.
Rather than repeatedly saying:
“School starts next week!”
try turning preparation into an activity.
Create a Back-to-School Treasure Hunt:
Find your school shoes.
Pack your bag.
Find your water bottle.
Choose your pencil case.
Walk past the school.
Take a photo of the school entrance.
Practise opening your lunchbox.
Choose a “first day” breakfast.
This changes preparation from something abstract and worrying into something concrete, predictable and achievable.
What about Halloween?
Halloween is a perfect example of how sensory processing, emotional regulation and social expectations collide.
There may be:
unfamiliar clothes
face paint
loud noises
flashing lights
crowds
decorations
darkness
unexpected knocks at the door
people behaving differently
smells and textures
pressure to participate
So instead of:
“Come on, it's Halloween - it's supposed to be fun!”
try:
“Let's work out what would make Halloween feel manageable for you.”
A child might choose a costume without a mask.
They might wear their usual shoes.
They might practise saying “Trick or treat” at home.
They might visit one or two houses rather than twenty.
They might have a quiet room available at home.
They might decide that watching is participating.
There doesn't need to be one “right” way to experience an event.
Children don't always need us to make the difficult experience disappear.
Sometimes they need us to make it predictable, manageable and safe enough to approach.
Think:
Predict → Prepare → Practise → Participate → Recover
And remember the recovery part.
A child who has managed a busy party, school day or Halloween event may need quiet time afterwards. That isn't “being antisocial”.
Their nervous system may simply need time to come back down.
When we look beyond the behaviour and consider sensory processing, regulation, predictability, relationships and participation, we can help children move from:
“I can't do this!”
to:
“I know what to do when this feels too much.”
And that is a powerful Occupational Therapy skill for life.
This article is written by Jordanna Hirst, Head of Occupational Therapy and Speech & Language Therapy, at bMindful Psychology.
bMindful Psychology provide Occupational Therapy Services including expert sensory assessments, personalised sensory profiles, and practical support plans to help children and young people who may struggle with focus, sensory sensitivities, or regulation.
Find out more about our trauma informed Therapeutic Residential Childcare Services.
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