Supporting Autistic Young People at Christmas
The festive period can be exciting and enjoyable, but it can also bring lots of changes to familiar routines, increased social interaction, busy environments and different expectations. Decorations, visitors, travelling, unfamiliar food, present opening and changes to sleep or mealtimes can all add extra demands.
For some autistic young people, these changes can feel overwhelming, even when they are looking forward to Christmas. Preparing in advance, reducing unnecessary demands and making adjustments based on your young person’s individual needs can make the festive period feel much more manageable.
Most importantly, follow your young person’s lead. They do not have to experience Christmas in the same way as everyone else for it to be enjoyable or meaningful. Reducing expectations, allowing choice and making space for familiar routines and interests can help create a festive period that works for the whole family.
Get our practical tips on supporting autistic young people over Christmas and other festivities.
1. Explain any changes to routine in advance
Changes to routine can be difficult for many autistic young people, particularly when they are unsure what is going to happen or what will be expected of them. Talk through plans in advance and make things as predictable as possible.
You could:
Use photos or videos from previous years, such as pictures of last year’s Christmas tree, Christmas dinner or a relative’s house.
Use a visual calendar or timetable to show when school finishes, when visitors are coming, when you are going out and when normal routines will start again.
Use Now/Next boards, written lists or social stories to prepare for particular activities.
Explain unfamiliar events beforehand, for example: “We’re going to Grandma’s house. There will be eight people there. We’ll have some food, you can go into the spare room if you need a break, and we’ll leave after lunch.”
Give advance warning when plans change wherever possible.
Try to maintain familiar routines around things such as waking up, meals, bedtime, screen time and preferred activities where possible. It can also help to plan beyond Christmas Day. Build in quieter days before and after busy events so your young person has opportunities to rest, regulate and recharge.
2. Tailor festive events and socialising
Christmas can involve lots of socialising, but your young person does not have to take part in everything. Consider which activities they are likely to enjoy and which might create unnecessary pressure.
Look for relaxed or autism-friendly performances, such as relaxed cinema screenings, pantomimes or Christmas shows. These may offer adjustments such as reduced noise or lighting and greater flexibility around moving about or leaving.
Before social events, make a simple plan together. For example:
Where are we going?
Who will be there?
How long are we staying?
What will we be doing?
Where can I go if I need some quiet time?
How can I tell someone that I want to leave or need a break?
It is also okay to shorten visits, arrive later, leave earlier or choose not to attend some events. Having an agreed exit plan can reduce anxiety because your young person knows they will not be expected to stay if things become too much.
3. Talk openly with family and friends about what your young person needs
Have honest and gentle conversations with family and friends before Christmas about things your young person finds difficult and the adjustments that help. This can prevent misunderstandings and reduce pressure on the day.
For example, you might agree that your young person can:
Sit separately from others while eating or eat somewhere quieter.
Eat familiar or preferred foods rather than being expected to eat a traditional Christmas dinner.
Open presents privately rather than in front of a group.
Say thank you in their own way rather than being expected to hug or show a particular reaction.
Arrive early so they have time to become familiar with the environment before everyone else arrives.
Have access to an agreed quiet or low-stimulation space.
Take breaks from conversations, games or group activities without needing to explain themselves.
Ask relatives to avoid strong perfumes or aftershaves.
Have adjustments to bright, flashing or decorative lights.
Use headphones, a phone, tablet, fidget or another regulating activity during social occasions.
It can be helpful to remind others that not joining in does not necessarily mean your young person is being rude or not enjoying Christmas. Stepping away, being quiet or engaging in a preferred activity may be exactly what they need to remain comfortable and regulated.
4. Put sensory adjustments in place
Christmas can bring lots of additional sensory experiences: flashing lights, music, crowded rooms, unfamiliar smells, different foods, wrapping paper, decorations and people talking at the same time.
Start with home and involve your young person in decisions about decorations wherever possible. For example, they might choose where decorations go, whether lights flash or remain still, which rooms are kept decoration-free, or when decorations are put up.
Consider having sensory and regulation resources readily available, such as:
Noise-cancelling headphones or ear defenders
Fidgets or familiar sensory objects
Weighted lap pads, where these are already helpful to the young person
Wobble cushions or alternative seating
Sunglasses or caps if lighting is difficult
Comfortable or familiar clothing rather than expectations around special Christmas outfits
Familiar foods and drinks at gatherings
A quiet space with reduced lighting and fewer people
Remember, there is no one right way to celebrate Christmas. By listening to your young person, understanding their needs and making small adjustments, you can help create a festive period that feels comfortable, positive and enjoyable for everyone.
A little flexibility, understanding and preparation can make a big difference.
Written by Molly Barnsley-Dunne, a Speech and Language Therapist (SaLT) at bMindful Psychology
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